Here’s what to look for to find out if he is serious about you. [Updated July 2019]
I know it’s frustrating if a man you’re interested in isn’t pursuing you as often as you’d like. When this happens, a lot of women make the mistake of taking the masculine role and pursuing men, which is very unattractive to a man. Some women think they’re simply helping the relationship move forward, but a man whose really into you doesn’t need your help. He’s capable and happy to move the relationship forward using his own ideas and actions.
If a man is not asking you out on Friday and Saturday nights (traditionally thought of as “date nights”), then he’s probably saving those nights to meet other women. If he only wants to “hook up” with you on weeknights when most people aren’t out out socializing, then he’s only interested in sex and no more. This becomes a trap and normally the relationship doesn’t move from a physical connection to an emotional love connection where love is created (more about creating an emotional love connection in my “Miracle Moments” video series).
I know this sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. If a man is truly interested in you, he won’t let anything or anyone come in the way of developing a serious relationship with you. He’ll want you all to himself and then he’ll want to introduce you to his friends and family. He’ll be possessive of you in a healthy way. He’ll want to prove his worth to you by treating you to nice dinners and dates. He’ll want to make sure your calendar is full spending time with him so you’re not available to meet other men. He’ll be thinking about you non stop and wanting to please you because pleasing you makes him feel good too.
It’s your job to sit back and enjoy being “courted.” I know a lot of women have great ideas of fun things to do with a man, but don’t make too many suggestions. Allow him to “man-up” by making the plans and suggestions. When a woman makes too many plans and suggestions, a man feels like she’s his teacher or mom, which is a turn off. You want a special man to really be into you, so let him do his job.
Also, don’t drive to his house. Let him pick you up even if he’s taking you back to his house to prepare dinner for you. This seems almost ridiculous and inconvenient, however, you’re the prized jewel and he should be treating you that way. It’s his role to pursue you, not for you to pursue him.
It’s okay to be the first to say “hello” to a man, but it’s not okay to call, text and email him without him doing so first. And, it’s not okay to continue to reach out to him if he’s not reaching out to you. Communicating while you’re dating should be like a tennis match, he serves the ball, you return it, he returns it, you return it, and so on.
In fact, it’s repulsive to a man when a woman tries too hard. He wants to run away. An example of someone who tries to hard is a salesman who is desperate for a sale and will try to make you feel guilty if you don’t buy the product, which is a form of manipulation. So, take the salesman test, are you trying to hard? A lot of women share experiences with me where they’ve over functioned, and soon the relationship disappeared. I encourage you to call a girlfriend instead if you’re tempted to reach out to a man who hasn’t reached out to you first so you can get that energy out. Girlfriends are priceless to have in your life.
If you find that you’re making excuses about how he treats you or how he doesn’t do special things for you because he’s too busy, he travels too much, etc., then stop and take a look at why you feel like you have to make excuses.
Are they legitimate or are you overlooking his bad behavior? Bad behavior can mean ignoring you, taking you for granted, expecting too much from you too soon and anything that doesn’t make you feel special, because you need to always remember that you are “The Prize!”
Be on the “look out” for bad behavior so you don’t stay with a man who doesn’t treat you right. This could keep you from getting your heart broken. Also, if you continue to date him, it blocks you from meeting other quality men.
Look at his actions and think to yourself “If I were a man, would I treat a woman that way if I was really interested in her or even falling in love with her?” If you can answer yes to this question, then you have a man worth dating, and possibly marrying. If not, be willing to let him go and know that he wasn’t the right one for you anyway.
You are a valuable and special woman who deserves to be adored, loved and respected! Don’t worry if you’re really into a guy, but he’s not into you. There is another special guy out there just waiting to meet you, love you and marry you or be in a lifelong committed relationship with you, if that’s what you’d prefer.