Become “The Prize”
Most single women find it hard to really be themselves on a date with a new guy, especially one they’re really attracted to, but that’s not at all what men want to see in you. They want to see the genuine, quirky, fun, or quiet woman that you are with everyone else. Because, when you’re uptight or nervous, they can feel it even if you think you’re covering it up.
You may even let a man say things that are inappropriate or rude, and not act offended by it. You may pretend that things are fine and he can say or do anything he wants, and you’ll be okay with that.
But, that’s not okay! You are “The Prize” and now you have permission to act like “The Prize” where you’ll only be with a man who treats you as “The Prize!” He will be the lucky one who gets to spend time with you, kiss you and take care of you! If a man says or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t pretend that it’s fine that he did or said that.
Instead, use the specific words in “Miracle Moments”© to help guide you through expressing how you felt when he did or said that.
I have a personal dating story where a man was very forward and I didn’t know how to handle it. I wasn’t prepared to hold any boundaries, because I simply never had any boundaries. I had been so emotionally beaten down where I just stood there and “took it,” that I was used to “standing there and taking it.” So, if you find yourself in the same place, I’m giving you permission to NOT stand there and “take it anymore!” You are worthy of respect and love!
Here’s a preview of how to do this. For example, if a guy says to you “You don’t look as good as your profile picture on the dating app. I only date really good-looking women.” You could say “That feels really funny to hear. I’m feeling uncomfortable and don’t feel like listening to this. Good luck with your dating experience.” Then leave! Basically, you’re listening to the offensive words from him, and deciding how you’re “feeling” about it. This way, you can stay in your feelings and not get into the story about him being offensive, you’re simply letting him know that you’re uncomfortable around him, you’re not willing to listen to him anymore and you’re ready to leave. I want you to understand that his comment was unkind and he’s showing you that he’s a very insecure and toxic man.
I know you’re meeting a lot of men right now, so don’t worry about the ones that aren’t right for you. By meeting lots of men, you’re getting closer to the one who will treat you with respect, kindness and fun!
I’ve learned that when you’re meeting lots of men, it’s important to ask questions. You need to know data, but you also need to know the underlying feelings he has about important people in his life, relationships, marriage and many more questions that I cover in my Miracle Moments© Video Academy. Here’s a way to start the conversation after several dates.
If you’re single and dating, ask these pivotal questions
I recommend asking important questions face-to-face because you want to make sure he’s being totally honest with you. By asking him face-to-face, you’ll see if he’s blushing, fidgeting or looking the other way when he’s answering you.
These are just a few of the pivotal questions, the deeper questions and explanations are in the “Miracle Moments”© videos. When you’re asking these questions, use an attitude of curiosity, not judgement because you’re simply exploring who he is to see if you have enough interest in him to continue dating him. Be playful and use the “puppy dog” (explained in my “Miracle Moments” © videos).
1. What are your short term goals? It’s important for them to know their short term goals so you know he has an interesting life and he’s excited about something coming up.
2. What are your long term goals? Here, you want to know that his long term goals are different than his short term goals because this is a look into their future.
3. What do you think about me? Find out what their thoughts are about you. They may “think” that you’re funny, smart, or beautiful.
4. How do you feel about me? When you ask this question, this is where the truth really comes out. He may say “I feel great around you and want more of that. In fact, I’m falling in love with you!”
How nice to have this information instead of wondering where he is emotionally.
I have even more direct pivotal (make or break) questions in my “Miracle Moments”© that can save you from dating the wrong person. Sign up to Become a Member!
Once you’ve started dating a special guy, find out if you’re living in “pretend-land”
Do you feel like you’re “happy enough”, that it’s “as good as it gets?’
Or, even worse, are you doing what I did in my first marriage? I pretended things were good when the marriage was actually falling apart. I knew I felt a distance, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I believe now that I had an underlying fear, but I didn’t know how to get in touch with it and I certainly didn’t ask any questions!
If you are doing what I did, I can relate to you. In fact, I would even have people ask me “how are you and your husband so happy? You’ve been married for 30 years. Wow, that’s so great.”
I was foolish enough to tell them how we made it work. When I think about it now, I want to laugh at myself because I was so naive. Don’t be naive in your dating life or your coupled life!
Make sure you’re diligently expressing your feelings without blame, shame, entitlement or defensiveness. Also, make sure that you allow your partner to express themselves to you.
When you get into a relationship, here’s a quick tool to quit pretending things are fine:
Once a week, ask these questions to each other:
- How do you feel about our intimacy?
- How do you feel about me?
- How do you feel about our finances?
- How do you feel about our families?
- How do you feel about work?
(Think of other questions that relate to your specific situation. For example: children, parents, etc.). Include anything that might bring dissatisfaction or disagreement in your relationship so you can bring it into the light.
When you take the time to ask these questions, you uncover issues that you wouldn’t have known otherwise. It’s a great way to connect to your partner and understand feelings from their point of view.